Good morning! Today I want to talk about me-space. No, I’m not talking about the defunct social media site! I’m talking about the time and space we spend with ourselves.
I’m a firm believer that every person need some time to themselves. I don’t care how much you love your spouse, kids, parents, or friends, we all need some alone time.
Solitude is not a scary thing, although there are plenty of people who seem to fear the concept. I’m not talking about the fear of going through life without a romantic partner. No, I’m talking about the fear of being by oneself for more than a few minutes. And that fear seems to come from the fear of facing our own fears, feelings, and thoughts. Because deep down, a lot of people are afraid that they may not be enough, they may not be who they want to be, or they may not measure up. In other words: The fear that they are lacking in some way, or they may find some hard truths if they look too closely.
These fears can run the gamut from being afraid to discover that we’re unhappy in our relationship, or unhappy with our job, or that we’re unhappy where we live. And at the basis of these fears is the core fear that we either can’t change things, or that changing them will be a scary proposition.
I can attest to this, because I used to be like this. I didn’t try to surround myself with people, but I surrounded myself with noise.
When I was still writing for my former publisher, I was working hard — but truthfully, I wasn’t working as long of hours as I am now. And yet, I didn’t dare sit in silence. I always had music playing, or the TV was on, or I was watching Netflix while I worked.
Why? Because when I sat in silence, I felt a bone-weary exhaustion running through me. When I turned off all noise, I would burst into tears because I was so incredibly exhausted. As long as I had noise going, I was able to ignore the exhaustion. But the moment I could hear myself think, I would feel the crushing weight of it.
What I didn’t realize at the time, is that that most of the exhaustion I felt was emotional. As I said, now I’m working longer hours and I’m working harder, but I can sit in silence without feeling overwhelmed.
Why did I feel so exhausted? It comes down to the fact that I felt like I couldn’t push through a glass ceiling that I was trapped by. No matter how hard I worked, I wasn’t getting the support that I needed, and it seemed like my work just went into some massive factory and was spit out the other end, and each book had six weeks to sink or swim.
The thing is…regardless of these fears, we need to pay attention to our thoughts. To our state of being.
If I had actually given myself permission to face how upset I was, I may have made the choice to go indie a lot sooner. But I was terrified of stepping out of what felt like a secure space at the time, even though that space was eating me up and spitting me out.
Taking time for me-space means taking time to assess ourselves. It means acknowledging what states our spirits, emotions, and bodies are in.
Yes, maybe that assessment is scary, but it’s vital to do this on a regular basis. If we don’t take time to listen to our thoughts, our emotions, the state of our being, then we can’t make the changes we need to in order to ensure our happiness and well-being. Only when we know where we’re starting from, can we choose the direction in which we need to go in order to evolve and thrive.
It’s always best to face what is, and work on improving what we need to, then to deny current reality, hoping things will get better.
Really, the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself. So spend some time making friends with yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company. Me-time doesn’t always mean we just sit and navel-gaze, though. You can pursue a hobby you love, maybe do yoga or tai chi, take a walk in the park or by the water. But try to do it in silence, or with only a soft instrumental playing in the background. This gives you the space to listen to your thoughts. And then, to decide what you might need to do in order to make your life flow smoother.
I suffer from depression , and see 2 therapist every week. I completely understand where you are coming from. I learned to give myself a me day once a week. The rest of the week I go for a run, I crochet or just sit and watch my favorite shows when no one is home. Its helped me improve on my life. I go for monthly massages and just enjoy the me time when I have it. I am a mom of 2 and my husband travels all the time so its hard to get the time. I have learned to literally schedule it into my day so I know I have 45 min of just me to think or not think or just be everyday. I am glad you were able to do that as well.
I wholeheartedly agree with this. Sometimes I’m my own best friend. I’ve come to enjoy quiet time, writing in my dream journal or simply playing video games. Being by myself sometimes makes me realize I have an important decision to make I’ve been putting off. Also, as a lady once told me years ago, we have to recharge our internal batteries sometimes. She was right, the world wears on us and there comes a point we have to shut it and everyone out so we can breathe again before we return to it. I often wonder if some stress could be erased if we all did this from time to time.