I had a rough past week, but I’m determined to make the next one so much better. What with allergy reactions and the fallout from them, it was not easy this past week to maintain my equilibrium. And I often find a residual reaction tends to be that I spiral into depression. I have come to believe this is physical, based on my body attempting to recover. The depression usually lifts within a couple days unless I let it continue — and I don’t intend to. So I’m tired, and sleeping more than I usually do — which is a good thing—sleep is healing. I have pulled back from a lot of online interaction because — even with friends — there are times when I just need a little extra cushion of space.
I have mentioned often over the past weeks that I am working through a year-long program called Year to Clear. A friend and I are doing this together, holding each other accountable. We check in weekly and Skype about what we’ve learned.
We’re on something like day 95, and I have to tell you — this is made a huge difference in my life already. It’s a deceptively simple program. At first I thought it might be a little fluffy or superficial for me, but I’m amazed by how much effect even small changes can have. And when you think about the butterfly effect, it makes sense.
The butterfly effect is basically the theory that the flapping of a butterfly’s wings in one part of the world can affect the weather across the globe. In other words: small actions have significant effects. It’s part of a larger theory called Chaos theory, but I’m not even going to get into that.
What I do know is that this book — and the act of me doing the exercises — is affecting me in profound ways. I’m keeping a journal day by day specifically relating to the book and as I look back over the past 90+ days, I see how far I have actually come.
For one thing, I know with absolute fact that I would not have had the courage to transition toward going indie as an author without the strength I’ve gained from this program.
I’m learning new ways to look at life, I am unlearning old patterns and removing blocked emotions that impede my progress. I’m stripping down, one thin layer at a time, beliefs about myself, my life and the way success either happens or doesn’t happen. As I strip away these beliefs, I’m examining them to see if they still serve me.
I’ve learned that the most important thing about my career for me is this: that I make a successful and comfortable living. That I am joyful with what I write. That I have more control over my work and what I write.
I’m also learning that I want more of a life outside of the keyboard. I want my life to be filled with joy — I’ve had enough sorrow in my life to fill a lake with tears and I’m ready to let go of the events that brought this about.
I’m ready to live my life for me, not for other people.
I’m ready to let go of interfering in other people’s lives. I have never actively meddled, and I don’t like being put in a place where people want to consistently rely on me, whether it be for advice, sustenance, or energy.
What I want is for others to discover their own power and to source their own joy. There’s nothing that feels as good as creating something wonderful on your own and knowing that you are the one responsible for that.
I also do firmly believe that whatever you focus on — the energy you focus on — is what you’ll find surrounding you.
While I have never been someone to say that you always create everything that happens to you, when things consistently go wrong, and you consistently attract negative people and negative events, then maybe it’s time to take a long look in the mirror.
So much of our life mirrors our beliefs and emotions.
I don’t know how many times I have made a casserole, or painted a picture, or written something, and I stand back and all I see are the flaws because that’s what I’m looking for. And the more I look at the flaws, the more I see only them.
I lose sight of the beauty because I’m so focused on the negative. I no longer want to do that. I’m consciously focusing on more of the positive. I will never invalidate my feelings when I’m depressed or upset, but I do remind myself that what I’m thinking/feeling might not be an accurate representation of what’s really going on.
When I try to look for the good in situations, I can usually turn my feelings and emotions around and make them work, rather than let them become stumbling blocks.
I don’t know if this blog will help any of you in your journeys, but if one thing I say does stand out and help you, then I’m happy and feel I’ve done what I set out to do.
Bright blessings until next time — Yasmine.